Much Ado About Nothing

Much Ado About Nothing

Act IV

Scene I A church.

[Enter DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, LEONATO, FRIAR FRANCIS,
CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, HERO, BEATRICE, and Attendants]
LEONATO Come, Friar Francis, be brief; only to the plain
form of marriage, and you shall recount their
particular duties afterwards.
FRIAR FRANCIS You come hither, my lord, to marry this lady.
CLAUDIO No.
LEONATO To be married to her: friar, you come to marry her.
FRIAR FRANCIS Lady, you come hither to be married to this count.
HERO I do.
FRIAR FRANCIS If either of you know any inward impediment why you
should not be conjoined, charge you, on your souls,
to utter it.
CLAUDIO Know you any, Hero?
HERO None, my lord.
FRIAR FRANCIS Know you any, count?
LEONATO I dare make his answer, none.
CLAUDIO O, what men dare do! what men may do! what men daily
do, not knowing what they do!
BENEDICK How now! interjections? Why, then, some be of
laughing, as, ah, ha, he!
CLAUDIO Stand thee by, friar. Father, by your leave:
Will you with free and unconstrained soul
Give me this maid, your daughter?
LEONATO As freely, son, as God did give her me.
CLAUDIO And what have I to give you back, whose worth
May counterpoise this rich and precious gift?
DON PEDRO Nothing, unless you render her again.
CLAUDIO Sweet prince, you learn me noble thankfulness.
There, Leonato, take her back again:
Give not this rotten orange to your friend;
She's but the sign and semblance of her honour.
Behold how like a maid she blushes here!
O, what authority and show of truth
Can cunning sin cover itself withal!
Comes not that blood as modest evidence
To witness simple virtue? Would you not swear,
All you that see her, that she were a maid,
By these exterior shows? But she is none:
She knows the heat of a luxurious bed;
Her blush is guiltiness, not modesty.
LEONATO What do you mean, my lord?
CLAUDIO Not to be married,
Not to knit my soul to an approved wanton.
LEONATO Dear my lord, if you, in your own proof,
Have vanquish'd the resistance of her youth,
And made defeat of her virginity,--
CLAUDIO I know what you would say: if I have known her,
You will say she did embrace me as a husband,
And so extenuate the 'forehand sin:
No, Leonato,
I never tempted her with word too large;
But, as a brother to his sister, show'd
Bashful sincerity and comely love.
HERO And seem'd I ever otherwise to you?
CLAUDIO Out on thee! Seeming! I will write against it:
You seem to me as Dian in her orb,
As chaste as is the bud ere it be blown;
But you are more intemperate in your blood
Than Venus, or those pamper'd animals
That rage in savage sensuality.
HERO Is my lord well, that he doth speak so wide?
LEONATO Sweet prince, why speak not you?
DON PEDRO What should I speak?
I stand dishonour'd, that have gone about
To link my dear friend to a common stale.
LEONATO Are these things spoken, or do I but dream?
DON JOHN Sir, they are spoken, and these things are true.
BENEDICK This looks not like a nuptial.
HERO True! O God!
CLAUDIO Leonato, stand I here?
Is this the prince? is this the prince's brother?
Is this face Hero's? are our eyes our own?
LEONATO All this is so: but what of this, my lord?
CLAUDIO Let me but move one question to your daughter;
And, by that fatherly and kindly power
That you have in her, bid her answer truly.
LEONATO I charge thee do so, as thou art my child.
HERO O, God defend me! how am I beset!
What kind of catechising call you this?
CLAUDIO To make you answer truly to your name.
HERO Is it not Hero? Who can blot that name
With any just reproach?
CLAUDIO Marry, that can Hero;
Hero itself can blot out Hero's virtue.
What man was he talk'd with you yesternight
Out at your window betwixt twelve and one?
Now, if you are a maid, answer to this.
HERO I talk'd with no man at that hour, my lord.
DON PEDRO Why, then are you no maiden. Leonato,
I am sorry you must hear: upon mine honour,
Myself, my brother and this grieved count
Did see her, hear her, at that hour last night
Talk with a ruffian at her chamber-window
Who hath indeed, most like a liberal villain,
Confess'd the vile encounters they have had
A thousand times in secret.
DON JOHN Fie, fie! they are not to be named, my lord,
Not to be spoke of;
There is not chastity enough in language
Without offence to utter them. Thus, pretty lady,
I am sorry for thy much misgovernment.
CLAUDIO O Hero, what a Hero hadst thou been,
If half thy outward graces had been placed
About thy thoughts and counsels of thy heart!
But fare thee well, most foul, most fair! farewell,
Thou pure impiety and impious purity!
For thee I'll lock up all the gates of love,
And on my eyelids shall conjecture hang,
To turn all beauty into thoughts of harm,
And never shall it more be gracious.
LEONATO Hath no man's dagger here a point for me?
[HERO swoons]
BEATRICE Why, how now, cousin! wherefore sink you down?
DON JOHN Come, let us go. These things, come thus to light,
Smother her spirits up.
[Exeunt DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, and CLAUDIO]
BENEDICK How doth the lady?
BEATRICE Dead, I think. Help, uncle!
Hero! why, Hero! Uncle! Signior Benedick! Friar!
LEONATO O Fate! take not away thy heavy hand.
Death is the fairest cover for her shame
That may be wish'd for.
BEATRICE How now, cousin Hero!
FRIAR FRANCIS Have comfort, lady.
LEONATO Dost thou look up?
FRIAR FRANCIS Yea, wherefore should she not?
LEONATO Wherefore! Why, doth not every earthly thing
Cry shame upon her? Could she here deny
The story that is printed in her blood?
Do not live, Hero; do not ope thine eyes:
For, did I think thou wouldst not quickly die,
Thought I thy spirits were stronger than thy shames,
Myself would, on the rearward of reproaches,
Strike at thy life. Grieved I, I had but one?
Chid I for that at frugal nature's frame?
O, one too much by thee! Why had I one?
Why ever wast thou lovely in my eyes?
Why had I not with charitable hand
Took up a beggar's issue at my gates,
Who smirch'd thus and mired with infamy,
I might have said 'No part of it is mine;
This shame derives itself from unknown loins'?
But mine and mine I loved and mine I praised
And mine that I was proud on, mine so much
That I myself was to myself not mine,
Valuing of her,--why, she, O, she is fallen
Into a pit of ink, that the wide sea
Hath drops too few to wash her clean again
And salt too little which may season give
To her foul-tainted flesh!
BENEDICK Sir, sir, be patient.
For my part, I am so attired in wonder,
I know not what to say.
BEATRICE O, on my soul, my cousin is belied!
BENEDICK Lady, were you her bedfellow last night?
BEATRICE No, truly not; although, until last night,
I have this twelvemonth been her bedfellow.
LEONATO Confirm'd, confirm'd! O, that is stronger made
Which was before barr'd up with ribs of iron!
Would the two princes lie, and Claudio lie,
Who loved her so, that, speaking of her foulness,
Wash'd it with tears? Hence from her! let her die.
FRIAR FRANCIS Hear me a little; for I have only been
Silent so long and given way unto
This course of fortune [ ]
By noting of the lady I have mark'd
A thousand blushing apparitions
To start into her face, a thousand innocent shames
In angel whiteness beat away those blushes;
And in her eye there hath appear'd a fire,
To burn the errors that these princes hold
Against her maiden truth. Call me a fool;
Trust not my reading nor my observations,
Which with experimental seal doth warrant
The tenor of my book; trust not my age,
My reverence, calling, nor divinity,
If this sweet lady lie not guiltless here
Under some biting error.
LEONATO Friar, it cannot be.
Thou seest that all the grace that she hath left
Is that she will not add to her damnation
A sin of perjury; she not denies it:
Why seek'st thou then to cover with excuse
That which appears in proper nakedness?
FRIAR FRANCIS Lady, what man is he you are accused of?
HERO They know that do accuse me; I know none:
If I know more of any man alive
Than that which maiden modesty doth warrant,
Let all my sins lack mercy! O my father,
Prove you that any man with me conversed
At hours unmeet, or that I yesternight
Maintain'd the change of words with any creature,
Refuse me, hate me, torture me to death!
FRIAR FRANCIS There is some strange misprision in the princes.
BENEDICK Two of them have the very bent of honour;
And if their wisdoms be misled in this,
The practise of it lives in John the bastard,
Whose spirits toil in frame of villanies.
LEONATO I know not. If they speak but truth of her,
These hands shall tear her; if they wrong her honour,
The proudest of them shall well hear of it.
Time hath not yet so dried this blood of mine,
Nor age so eat up my invention,
Nor fortune made such havoc of my means,
Nor my bad life reft me so much of friends,
But they shall find, awaked in such a kind,
Both strength of limb and policy of mind,
Ability in means and choice of friends,
To quit me of them throughly.
FRIAR FRANCIS Pause awhile,
And let my counsel sway you in this case.
Your daughter here the princes left for dead:
Let her awhile be secretly kept in,
And publish it that she is dead indeed;
Maintain a mourning ostentation
And on your family's old monument
Hang mournful epitaphs and do all rites
That appertain unto a burial.
LEONATO What shall become of this? what will this do?
FRIAR FRANCIS Marry, this well carried shall on her behalf
Change slander to remorse; that is some good:
But not for that dream I on this strange course,
But on this travail look for greater birth.
She dying, as it must so be maintain'd,
Upon the instant that she was accused,
Shall be lamented, pitied and excused
Of every hearer: for it so falls out
That what we have we prize not to the worth
Whiles we enjoy it, but being lack'd and lost,
Why, then we rack the value, then we find
The virtue that possession would not show us
Whiles it was ours. So will it fare with Claudio:
When he shall hear she died upon his words,
The idea of her life shall sweetly creep
Into his study of imagination,
And every lovely organ of her life
Shall come apparell'd in more precious habit,
More moving-delicate and full of life,
Into the eye and prospect of his soul,
Than when she lived indeed; then shall he mourn,
If ever love had interest in his liver,
And wish he had not so accused her,
No, though he thought his accusation true.
Let this be so, and doubt not but success
Will fashion the event in better shape
Than I can lay it down in likelihood.
But if all aim but this be levell'd false,
The supposition of the lady's death
Will quench the wonder of her infamy:
And if it sort not well, you may conceal her,
As best befits her wounded reputation,
In some reclusive and religious life,
Out of all eyes, tongues, minds and injuries.
BENEDICK Signior Leonato, let the friar advise you:
And though you know my inwardness and love
Is very much unto the prince and Claudio,
Yet, by mine honour, I will deal in this
As secretly and justly as your soul
Should with your body.
LEONATO Being that I flow in grief,
The smallest twine may lead me.
FRIAR FRANCIS 'Tis well consented: presently away;
For to strange sores strangely they strain the cure.
Come, lady, die to live: this wedding-day
Perhaps is but prolong'd: have patience and endure.
[Exeunt all but BENEDICK and BEATRICE]
BENEDICK Lady Beatrice, have you wept all this while?
BEATRICE Yea, and I will weep a while longer.
BENEDICK I will not desire that.
BEATRICE You have no reason; I do it freely.
BENEDICK Surely I do believe your fair cousin is wronged.
BEATRICE Ah, how much might the man deserve of me that would right her!
BENEDICK Is there any way to show such friendship?
BEATRICE A very even way, but no such friend.
BENEDICK May a man do it?
BEATRICE It is a man's office, but not yours.
BENEDICK I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is
not that strange?
BEATRICE As strange as the thing I know not. It were as
possible for me to say I loved nothing so well as
you: but believe me not; and yet I lie not; I
confess nothing, nor I deny nothing. I am sorry for my cousin.
BENEDICK By my sword, Beatrice, thou lovest me.
BEATRICE Do not swear, and eat it.
BENEDICK I will swear by it that you love me; and I will make
him eat it that says I love not you.
BEATRICE Will you not eat your word?
BENEDICK With no sauce that can be devised to it. I protest
I love thee.
BEATRICE Why, then, God forgive me!
BENEDICK What offence, sweet Beatrice?
BEATRICE You have stayed me in a happy hour: I was about to
protest I loved you.
BENEDICK And do it with all thy heart.
BEATRICE I love you with so much of my heart that none is
left to protest.
BENEDICK Come, bid me do any thing for thee.
BEATRICE Kill Claudio.
BENEDICK Ha! not for the wide world.
BEATRICE You kill me to deny it. Farewell.
BENEDICK Tarry, sweet Beatrice.
BEATRICE I am gone, though I am here: there is no love in
you: nay, I pray you, let me go.
BENEDICK Beatrice,--
BEATRICE In faith, I will go.
BENEDICK We'll be friends first.
BEATRICE You dare easier be friends with me than fight with mine enemy.
BENEDICK Is Claudio thine enemy?
BEATRICE Is he not approved in the height a villain, that
hath slandered, scorned, dishonoured my kinswoman? O
that I were a man! What, bear her in hand until they
come to take hands; and then, with public
accusation, uncovered slander, unmitigated rancour,
--O God, that I were a man! I would eat his heart
in the market-place.
BENEDICK Hear me, Beatrice,--
BEATRICE Talk with a man out at a window! A proper saying!
BENEDICK Nay, but, Beatrice,--
BEATRICE Sweet Hero! She is wronged, she is slandered, she is undone.
BENEDICK Beat--
BEATRICE Princes and counties! Surely, a princely testimony,
a goodly count, Count Comfect; a sweet gallant,
surely! O that I were a man for his sake! or that I
had any friend would be a man for my sake! But
manhood is melted into courtesies, valour into
compliment, and men are only turned into tongue, and
trim ones too: he is now as valiant as Hercules
that only tells a lie and swears it. I cannot be a
man with wishing, therefore I will die a woman with grieving.
BENEDICK Tarry, good Beatrice. By this hand, I love thee.
BEATRICE Use it for my love some other way than swearing by it.
BENEDICK Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath wronged Hero?
BEATRICE Yea, as sure as I have a thought or a soul.
BENEDICK Enough, I am engaged; I will challenge him. I will
kiss your hand, and so I leave you. By this hand,
Claudio shall render me a dear account. As you
hear of me, so think of me. Go, comfort your
cousin: I must say she is dead: and so, farewell.
[Exeunt]

Scene II A prison.

[Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and Sexton, in gowns; and
the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO]
DOGBERRY Is our whole dissembly appeared?
VERGES O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
Sexton Which be the malefactors?
DOGBERRY Marry, that am I and my partner.
VERGES Nay, that's certain; we have the exhibition to examine.
Sexton But which are the offenders that are to be
examined? let them come before master constable.
DOGBERRY Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your
name, friend?
BORACHIO Borachio.
DOGBERRY Pray, write down, Borachio. Yours, sirrah?
CONRADE I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.
DOGBERRY Write down, master gentleman Conrade. Masters, do
you serve God?
CONRADE

BORACHIO |
| Yea, sir, we hope.
|
DOGBERRY Write down, that they hope they serve God: and
write God first; for God defend but God should go
before such villains! Masters, it is proved already
that you are little better than false knaves; and it
will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer
you for yourselves?
CONRADE Marry, sir, we say we are none.
DOGBERRY A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you: but I
will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a
word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought
you are false knaves.
BORACHIO Sir, I say to you we are none.
DOGBERRY Well, stand aside. 'Fore God, they are both in a
tale. Have you writ down, that they are none?
Sexton Master constable, you go not the way to examine:
you must call forth the watch that are their accusers.
DOGBERRY Yea, marry, that's the eftest way. Let the watch
come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the prince's
name, accuse these men.
First Watchman This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince's
brother, was a villain.
DOGBERRY Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat
perjury, to call a prince's brother villain.
BORACHIO Master constable,--
DOGBERRY Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look,
I promise thee.
Sexton What heard you him say else?
Second Watchman Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of
Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.
DOGBERRY Flat burglary as ever was committed.
VERGES Yea, by mass, that it is.
Sexton What else, fellow?
First Watchman And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to
disgrace Hero before the whole assembly. and not marry her.
DOGBERRY O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting
redemption for this.
Sexton What else?
Watchman This is all.
Sexton And this is more, masters, than you can deny.
Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away;
Hero was in this manner accused, in this very manner
refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly died.
Master constable, let these men be bound, and
brought to Leonato's: I will go before and show
him their examination.
[Exit]
DOGBERRY Come, let them be opinioned.
VERGES Let them be in the hands--
CONRADE Off, coxcomb!
DOGBERRY God's my life, where's the sexton? let him write
down the prince's officer coxcomb. Come, bind them.
Thou naughty varlet!
CONRADE Away! you are an ass, you are an ass.
DOGBERRY Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not
suspect my years? O that he were here to write me
down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an
ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not
that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of
piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness.
I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer,
and, which is more, a householder, and, which is
more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in
Messina, and one that knows the law, go to; and a
rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath
had losses, and one that hath two gowns and every
thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O that
I had been writ down an ass!
[Exeunt]

Next Act

	[Enter DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, LEONATO, FRIAR FRANCIS, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, HERO, BEATRICE, and Attendants]
LEONATO	Come, Friar Francis, be brief; only to the plain form of marriage, and you shall recount their particular duties afterwards.
FRIAR FRANCIS	You come hither, my lord, to marry this lady.
CLAUDIO	No.
LEONATO	To be married to her: friar, you come to marry her.
FRIAR FRANCIS	Lady, you come hither to be married to this count.
HERO	I do.
FRIAR FRANCIS	If either of you know any inward impediment why you should not be conjoined, charge you, on your souls, to utter it.
CLAUDIO	Know you any, Hero?
HERO	None, my lord.
FRIAR FRANCIS	Know you any, count?
LEONATO	I dare make his answer, none.
CLAUDIO	O, what men dare do! what men may do! what men daily do, not knowing what they do!
BENEDICK	How now! interjections? Why, then, some be of laughing, as, ah, ha, he!
CLAUDIO	Stand thee by, friar. Father, by your leave: Will you with free and unconstrained soul Give me this maid, your daughter?
LEONATO	As freely, son, as God did give her me.
CLAUDIO	And what have I to give you back, whose worth May counterpoise this rich and precious gift?
DON PEDRO	Nothing, unless you render her again.
CLAUDIO	Sweet prince, you learn me noble thankfulness. There, Leonato, take her back again: Give not this rotten orange to your friend; She's but the sign and semblance of her honour. Behold how like a maid she blushes here! O, what authority and show of truth Can cunning sin cover itself withal! Comes not that blood as modest evidence To witness simple virtue? Would you not swear, All you that see her, that she were a maid, By these exterior shows? But she is none: She knows the heat of a luxurious bed; Her blush is guiltiness, not modesty.
LEONATO	What do you mean, my lord?
CLAUDIO	Not to be married, Not to knit my soul to an approved wanton.
LEONATO	Dear my lord, if you, in your own proof, Have vanquish'd the resistance of her youth, And made defeat of her virginity,--
CLAUDIO	I know what you would say: if I have known her, You will say she did embrace me as a husband, And so extenuate the 'forehand sin: No, Leonato, I never tempted her with word too large; But, as a brother to his sister, show'd Bashful sincerity and comely love.
HERO	And seem'd I ever otherwise to you?
CLAUDIO	Out on thee! Seeming! I will write against it: You seem to me as Dian in her orb, As chaste as is the bud ere it be blown; But you are more intemperate in your blood Than Venus, or those pamper'd animals That rage in savage sensuality.
HERO	Is my lord well, that he doth speak so wide?
LEONATO	Sweet prince, why speak not you?
DON PEDRO	What should I speak? I stand dishonour'd, that have gone about To link my dear friend to a common stale.
LEONATO	Are these things spoken, or do I but dream?
DON JOHN	Sir, they are spoken, and these things are true.
BENEDICK	This looks not like a nuptial.
HERO	True! O God!
CLAUDIO	Leonato, stand I here? Is this the prince? is this the prince's brother? Is this face Hero's? are our eyes our own?
LEONATO	All this is so: but what of this, my lord?
CLAUDIO	Let me but move one question to your daughter; And, by that fatherly and kindly power That you have in her, bid her answer truly.
LEONATO	I charge thee do so, as thou art my child.
HERO	O, God defend me! how am I beset! What kind of catechising call you this?
CLAUDIO	To make you answer truly to your name.
HERO	Is it not Hero? Who can blot that name With any just reproach?
CLAUDIO	Marry, that can Hero; Hero itself can blot out Hero's virtue. What man was he talk'd with you yesternight Out at your window betwixt twelve and one? Now, if you are a maid, answer to this.
HERO	I talk'd with no man at that hour, my lord.
DON PEDRO	Why, then are you no maiden. Leonato, I am sorry you must hear: upon mine honour, Myself, my brother and this grieved count Did see her, hear her, at that hour last night Talk with a ruffian at her chamber-window Who hath indeed, most like a liberal villain, Confess'd the vile encounters they have had A thousand times in secret.
DON JOHN	Fie, fie! they are not to be named, my lord, Not to be spoke of; There is not chastity enough in language Without offence to utter them. Thus, pretty lady, I am sorry for thy much misgovernment.
CLAUDIO	O Hero, what a Hero hadst thou been, If half thy outward graces had been placed About thy thoughts and counsels of thy heart! But fare thee well, most foul, most fair! farewell, Thou pure impiety and impious purity! For thee I'll lock up all the gates of love, And on my eyelids shall conjecture hang, To turn all beauty into thoughts of harm, And never shall it more be gracious.
LEONATO	Hath no man's dagger here a point for me?
	[HERO swoons]
BEATRICE	Why, how now, cousin! wherefore sink you down?
DON JOHN	Come, let us go. These things, come thus to light, Smother her spirits up.
	[Exeunt DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, and CLAUDIO]
BENEDICK	How doth the lady?
BEATRICE	Dead, I think. Help, uncle! Hero! why, Hero! Uncle! Signior Benedick! Friar!
LEONATO	O Fate! take not away thy heavy hand. Death is the fairest cover for her shame That may be wish'd for.
BEATRICE	How now, cousin Hero!
FRIAR FRANCIS	Have comfort, lady.
LEONATO	Dost thou look up?
FRIAR FRANCIS	Yea, wherefore should she not?
LEONATO	Wherefore! Why, doth not every earthly thing Cry shame upon her? Could she here deny The story that is printed in her blood? Do not live, Hero; do not ope thine eyes: For, did I think thou wouldst not quickly die, Thought I thy spirits were stronger than thy shames, Myself would, on the rearward of reproaches, Strike at thy life. Grieved I, I had but one? Chid I for that at frugal nature's frame? O, one too much by thee! Why had I one? Why ever wast thou lovely in my eyes? Why had I not with charitable hand Took up a beggar's issue at my gates, Who smirch'd thus and mired with infamy, I might have said 'No part of it is mine; This shame derives itself from unknown loins'? But mine and mine I loved and mine I praised And mine that I was proud on, mine so much That I myself was to myself not mine, Valuing of her,--why, she, O, she is fallen Into a pit of ink, that the wide sea Hath drops too few to wash her clean again And salt too little which may season give To her foul-tainted flesh!
BENEDICK	Sir, sir, be patient. For my part, I am so attired in wonder, I know not what to say.
BEATRICE	O, on my soul, my cousin is belied!
BENEDICK	Lady, were you her bedfellow last night?
BEATRICE	No, truly not; although, until last night, I have this twelvemonth been her bedfellow.
LEONATO	Confirm'd, confirm'd! O, that is stronger made Which was before barr'd up with ribs of iron! Would the two princes lie, and Claudio lie, Who loved her so, that, speaking of her foulness, Wash'd it with tears? Hence from her! let her die.
FRIAR FRANCIS	Hear me a little; for I have only been Silent so long and given way unto This course of fortune [ ] By noting of the lady I have mark'd A thousand blushing apparitions To start into her face, a thousand innocent shames In angel whiteness beat away those blushes; And in her eye there hath appear'd a fire, To burn the errors that these princes hold Against her maiden truth. Call me a fool; Trust not my reading nor my observations, Which with experimental seal doth warrant The tenor of my book; trust not my age, My reverence, calling, nor divinity, If this sweet lady lie not guiltless here Under some biting error.
LEONATO	Friar, it cannot be. Thou seest that all the grace that she hath left Is that she will not add to her damnation A sin of perjury; she not denies it: Why seek'st thou then to cover with excuse That which appears in proper nakedness?
FRIAR FRANCIS	Lady, what man is he you are accused of?
HERO	They know that do accuse me; I know none: If I know more of any man alive Than that which maiden modesty doth warrant, Let all my sins lack mercy! O my father, Prove you that any man with me conversed At hours unmeet, or that I yesternight Maintain'd the change of words with any creature, Refuse me, hate me, torture me to death!
FRIAR FRANCIS	There is some strange misprision in the princes.
BENEDICK	Two of them have the very bent of honour; And if their wisdoms be misled in this, The practise of it lives in John the bastard, Whose spirits toil in frame of villanies.
LEONATO	I know not. If they speak but truth of her, These hands shall tear her; if they wrong her honour, The proudest of them shall well hear of it. Time hath not yet so dried this blood of mine, Nor age so eat up my invention, Nor fortune made such havoc of my means, Nor my bad life reft me so much of friends, But they shall find, awaked in such a kind, Both strength of limb and policy of mind, Ability in means and choice of friends, To quit me of them throughly.
FRIAR FRANCIS	Pause awhile, And let my counsel sway you in this case. Your daughter here the princes left for dead: Let her awhile be secretly kept in, And publish it that she is dead indeed; Maintain a mourning ostentation And on your family's old monument Hang mournful epitaphs and do all rites That appertain unto a burial.
LEONATO	What shall become of this? what will this do?
FRIAR FRANCIS	Marry, this well carried shall on her behalf Change slander to remorse; that is some good: But not for that dream I on this strange course, But on this travail look for greater birth. She dying, as it must so be maintain'd, Upon the instant that she was accused, Shall be lamented, pitied and excused Of every hearer: for it so falls out That what we have we prize not to the worth Whiles we enjoy it, but being lack'd and lost, Why, then we rack the value, then we find The virtue that possession would not show us Whiles it was ours. So will it fare with Claudio: When he shall hear she died upon his words, The idea of her life shall sweetly creep Into his study of imagination, And every lovely organ of her life Shall come apparell'd in more precious habit, More moving-delicate and full of life, Into the eye and prospect of his soul, Than when she lived indeed; then shall he mourn, If ever love had interest in his liver, And wish he had not so accused her, No, though he thought his accusation true. Let this be so, and doubt not but success Will fashion the event in better shape Than I can lay it down in likelihood. But if all aim but this be levell'd false, The supposition of the lady's death Will quench the wonder of her infamy: And if it sort not well, you may conceal her, As best befits her wounded reputation, In some reclusive and religious life, Out of all eyes, tongues, minds and injuries.
BENEDICK	Signior Leonato, let the friar advise you: And though you know my inwardness and love Is very much unto the prince and Claudio, Yet, by mine honour, I will deal in this As secretly and justly as your soul Should with your body.
LEONATO	Being that I flow in grief, The smallest twine may lead me.
FRIAR FRANCIS	'Tis well consented: presently away; For to strange sores strangely they strain the cure. Come, lady, die to live: this wedding-day Perhaps is but prolong'd: have patience and endure.
	[Exeunt all but BENEDICK and BEATRICE]
BENEDICK	Lady Beatrice, have you wept all this while?
BEATRICE	Yea, and I will weep a while longer.
BENEDICK	I will not desire that.
BEATRICE	You have no reason; I do it freely.
BENEDICK	Surely I do believe your fair cousin is wronged.
BEATRICE	Ah, how much might the man deserve of me that would right her!
BENEDICK	Is there any way to show such friendship?
BEATRICE	A very even way, but no such friend.
BENEDICK	May a man do it?
BEATRICE	It is a man's office, but not yours.
BENEDICK	I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is not that strange?
BEATRICE	As strange as the thing I know not. It were as possible for me to say I loved nothing so well as you: but believe me not; and yet I lie not; I confess nothing, nor I deny nothing. I am sorry for my cousin.
BENEDICK	By my sword, Beatrice, thou lovest me.
BEATRICE	Do not swear, and eat it.
BENEDICK	I will swear by it that you love me; and I will make him eat it that says I love not you.
BEATRICE	Will you not eat your word?
BENEDICK	With no sauce that can be devised to it. I protest I love thee.
BEATRICE	Why, then, God forgive me!
BENEDICK	What offence, sweet Beatrice?
BEATRICE	You have stayed me in a happy hour: I was about to protest I loved you.
BENEDICK	And do it with all thy heart.
BEATRICE	I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest.
BENEDICK	Come, bid me do any thing for thee.
BEATRICE	Kill Claudio.
BENEDICK	Ha! not for the wide world.
BEATRICE	You kill me to deny it. Farewell.
BENEDICK	Tarry, sweet Beatrice.
BEATRICE	I am gone, though I am here: there is no love in you: nay, I pray you, let me go.
BENEDICK	Beatrice,--
BEATRICE	In faith, I will go.
BENEDICK	We'll be friends first.
BEATRICE	You dare easier be friends with me than fight with mine enemy.
BENEDICK	Is Claudio thine enemy?
BEATRICE	Is he not approved in the height a villain, that hath slandered, scorned, dishonoured my kinswoman? O that I were a man! What, bear her in hand until they come to take hands; and then, with public accusation, uncovered slander, unmitigated rancour, --O God, that I were a man! I would eat his heart in the market-place.
BENEDICK	Hear me, Beatrice,--
BEATRICE	Talk with a man out at a window! A proper saying!
BENEDICK	Nay, but, Beatrice,--
BEATRICE	Sweet Hero! She is wronged, she is slandered, she is undone.
BENEDICK	Beat--
BEATRICE	Princes and counties! Surely, a princely testimony, a goodly count, Count Comfect; a sweet gallant, surely! O that I were a man for his sake! or that I had any friend would be a man for my sake! But manhood is melted into courtesies, valour into compliment, and men are only turned into tongue, and trim ones too: he is now as valiant as Hercules that only tells a lie and swears it. I cannot be a man with wishing, therefore I will die a woman with grieving.
BENEDICK	Tarry, good Beatrice. By this hand, I love thee.
BEATRICE	Use it for my love some other way than swearing by it.
BENEDICK	Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath wronged Hero?
BEATRICE	Yea, as sure as I have a thought or a soul.
BENEDICK	Enough, I am engaged; I will challenge him. I will kiss your hand, and so I leave you. By this hand, Claudio shall render me a dear account. As you hear of me, so think of me. Go, comfort your cousin: I must say she is dead: and so, farewell.
	[Exeunt]

	[Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and Sexton, in gowns; and the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO]
DOGBERRY	Is our whole dissembly appeared?
VERGES	O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
Sexton	Which be the malefactors?
DOGBERRY	Marry, that am I and my partner.
VERGES	Nay, that's certain; we have the exhibition to examine.
Sexton	But which are the offenders that are to be examined? let them come before master constable.
DOGBERRY	Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your name, friend?
BORACHIO	Borachio.
DOGBERRY	Pray, write down, Borachio. Yours, sirrah?
CONRADE	I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.
DOGBERRY	Write down, master gentleman Conrade. Masters, do you serve God?
CONRADE BORACHIO	\| \| Yea, sir, we hope. \|
DOGBERRY	Write down, that they hope they serve God: and write God first; for God defend but God should go before such villains! Masters, it is proved already that you are little better than false knaves; and it will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer you for yourselves?
CONRADE	Marry, sir, we say we are none.
DOGBERRY	A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you: but I will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought you are false knaves.
BORACHIO	Sir, I say to you we are none.
DOGBERRY	Well, stand aside. 'Fore God, they are both in a tale. Have you writ down, that they are none?
Sexton	Master constable, you go not the way to examine: you must call forth the watch that are their accusers.
DOGBERRY	Yea, marry, that's the eftest way. Let the watch come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the prince's name, accuse these men.
First Watchman	This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince's brother, was a villain.
DOGBERRY	Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat perjury, to call a prince's brother villain.
BORACHIO	Master constable,--
DOGBERRY	Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look, I promise thee.
Sexton	What heard you him say else?
Second Watchman	Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.
DOGBERRY	Flat burglary as ever was committed.
VERGES	Yea, by mass, that it is.
Sexton	What else, fellow?
First Watchman	And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to disgrace Hero before the whole assembly. and not marry her.
DOGBERRY	O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting redemption for this.
Sexton	What else?
Watchman	This is all.
Sexton	And this is more, masters, than you can deny. Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away; Hero was in this manner accused, in this very manner refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly died. Master constable, let these men be bound, and brought to Leonato's: I will go before and show him their examination.
	[Exit]
DOGBERRY	Come, let them be opinioned.
VERGES	Let them be in the hands--
CONRADE	Off, coxcomb!
DOGBERRY	God's my life, where's the sexton? let him write down the prince's officer coxcomb. Come, bind them. Thou naughty varlet!
CONRADE	Away! you are an ass, you are an ass.
DOGBERRY	Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not suspect my years? O that he were here to write me down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness. I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer, and, which is more, a householder, and, which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in Messina, and one that knows the law, go to; and a rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath had losses, and one that hath two gowns and every thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O that I had been writ down an ass!
	[Exeunt]